It can feel like nothing is going your way on certain days. On other days, though, a single minor setback—traffic, a terse email from your supervisor, or the fact that it’s Monday—is enough to derail you and ruin your day. When you have bad days, it might be difficult to keep from moping.
Why is it that when something goes wrong, our days are so readily ruined? Moving on from a low point can be challenging for a variety of reasons, according to Manhattan Therapy Collective director and psychologist Peggy Loo.
“It’s a tipping point for some,” Loo says to Yahoo Life. “If you’re already emotionally exhausted and trying your hardest to handle a lot of stress, an unforeseen setback can really strain your remaining resources.” When a difficult event occurs, it can sometimes be related to the inner story or sense of self we already have. For instance, it can be simple to take things personally or feel that one bad moment indicates the day is hopeless if we already have trouble making snap judgments or being extremely harsh on ourselves.
“Reactions that once helped humans survive now make it harder to shake off life’s challenges,” says therapist Suzette Bray. “Detecting threats was crucial back when we were avoiding saber-toothed tigers,” she says. “Our brains respond to stressors with the same intensity, even though the stakes are different now.” According to Bray, this is “negativity bias.” “Even though we are no longer fleeing from predators, our brains are hardwired to hold onto unpleasant memories (like spilling coffee on your laptop) because they are perceived as possible threats.”
Even while your day may have included both positive and negative aspects (for example, a coworker bringing in doughnuts for the team, ideal weather, etc.), the pleasant memories just don’t linger as well. Our minds exaggerate little irritations, but what about positive events? According to Bray, the brain simply shrugs and goes on. Additionally, she adds, “there is a ‘cognitive load’ — every minor inconvenience adds weight, and all of a sudden, the day feels like a catastrophe.” “After encountering a few annoying obstacles, your brain says, ‘Welp, this day is a loss!'”
However, there are strategies to change the way you think about that horrible day. “You can work with it once you understand what’s happening,” Bray explains. Here’s how.
Pay attention to the fundamentals
First things first: To help you get back on track, calm down and take care of your basic requirements, such as sipping some water, catching your breath, or unwinding.
“My go-to advice is to concentrate on relaxing your body and mind,” adds Loo. “If our minds are racing or we are exhibiting the physical signs of stress, we cannot remain composed. An essential downshift that might assist you in regrouping and responding from a more composed state is deep breathing, eating, stretching, and finding empathy for ourselves in an annoying circumstance.
For a while, allow yourself to be upset
You don’t have to act like everything is OK after getting over a bad moment.
“It’s okay to admit that you’re irritated,” Loo explains. “Stop trying to ‘push through’ like a hero,” Bray adds. Recognize the negative day for what it is and allow yourself to feel angry, frustrated, or any other emotion that may be surfacing. An emotion’s strength is somewhat reduced simply by naming it.
Accepting how you’re feeling and then concentrating on what else you can accomplish that day is the concept. However, Bray advises that if you’re still feeling down, you “need to decide if it’s worth the mental energy.” “The unexpected bill or that coworker’s snide remark don’t deserve to live in your mind indefinitely. Try participating in something interesting or focusing on the here and now to divert your attention if you’re ruminating—repeating the irritation over and again.
“Not every’meh’ moment deserves your emotional bandwidth,” she continues. “Will this matter in a week?” ask yourself. In a month? It’s probably not worth worrying about if the response is negative.
Try practicing mindfulness
According to Bray, “mindfulness pulls you out of the mental storm.” She suggests the basic exercise of grounding. She advises, “Put your feet on the floor and press down, concentrating on the sensation.” It draws you away from mentally reliving all that has gone wrong by reestablishing your connection to the here and now.
Arrange an enjoyable activity
It is impossible to travel back in time and alter the beginning of the day. However, there are methods to make the most of the remaining time of the day. Perhaps it’s setting aside your current plans to sift through your collection of goofy animal videos while lounging on the couch in your coziest sweats, ordering your favorite burrito for lunch, or treating yourself to a soothing yoga class after work.
Instead of saying that the day is ruined, consider what you can still influence. Bray says. “Identify one minor area where you may make improvements or, even better, have fun. The antidote to frustration is humor, which relieves stress.
Loo concurs. She advises, “Plan to do something fun that you look forward to later.” “This has two benefits: it allows you to regain a healthy sense of control over a different aspect of your day and shifts your attention to something that you enjoy.”
Treat yourself with kindness
Perhaps you lost your temper with a loved one, felt unprepared at a staff meeting, or took a wrong route and ended up late. Although it’s simple to pout and hold yourself responsible for all of your shortcomings, self-compassion is a powerful tool.
When a friend is having a rough day, how would you respond to them? You wouldn’t destroy them, would you? As Bray notes. “So why subject yourself to that? Be kind to yourself. Everybody has bad days, and that’s okay.
Engage in constructive activities
When you’re still in the throes of a setback, no one would hold it against you if you didn’t feel up to, say, doing laundry or beginning a new project at work. Thus, begin modestly. “Clean up your desk, send that email you’ve been putting off, or go for a walk,” Bray suggests. “The negative spiral can sometimes be broken by simply completing one task.”
Be prepared for the worst
Some unpleasant days are predictable (you have a long or stressful work shift planned, your hated in-laws are coming for a visit), while others catch us off guard (you wake up with the flu on the first day of your vacation, the babysitter canceled just before your dinner reservation). Loo believes it’s a good idea to plan ahead so you have something nice set up to assist you get through it, even though things might not end up as bad as you fear.
She claims that we frequently prepare for the worst-case scenario but neglect to deal with it beforehand. Come up with ideas and implement actions that support individual autonomy or self-care. Being proactive when dealing with a difficult day can include organizing a get-together with a buddy, ordering takeout rather than cooking, or organizing your evening so you have a free place to unwind.
After hearing what professionals advise, we’d like to know what works for you. Whether it’s contacting a friend, ordering an ice cream sundae, or yelling into space, we want to know your greatest strategies for making a bad day better. Your finest advice could be featured in a future post, so please share it below.