Knowing What You Want In Relationships Matters: Here’s how to do it
Maybe, you’ve been in the dating game for a while, or perhaps, you’re just starting to look for love. Either way, knowing what you want and need in a relationship matters. It matters not just for you, but for potential dates and romantic interests. You might know what your “type” is or what qualities you’re attracted to, but there’s so much more that can go into knowing what you want. So, how do you get a grasp on what you really want in a relationship?
How To Know What You Want
The best way to know what you want is to get introspective. Ask yourself questions about what you want in a relationship, and above all else, make sure that you answer honestly.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Kids or no kids?
Of course, this is an essential topic. Raising children is a big deal. If you want kids, don’t go after someone who is adamant that they desire a child-free lifestyle. The same is true if it’s the other way around. Some people depend on the other person changing their mind, but that won’t always happen, and it’s not fair to assume that it will. This is an example of where it can be painful but necessary to be honest with yourself.
2. Overall, what kind of lifestyles will and won’t work with mine?
“Lifestyle” could refer to a lot of different things. If you don’t drink, you may not want to date someone who drinks heavily. If you’re polyamorous, you probably don’t want to date someone who is strictly monogamous. You might be attracted to the risk-taker who stays out all night every night, but is that for you?
- Do I want something serious or casual?
Some people are looking for a serious relationship, where others are looking for casual connections. Others are open to (and ready for) whatever happens. Sometimes, people feel pressured to seek a specific type of relationship, but it’s not what they really want. In reality, however, any of these things are perfectly okay!
- What values will an ideal partner align with?
Whether it’s faith, politics and human rights, or something else, you may have personal values that serve as a dealbreaker for you. If it matters to you, don’t overlook basic values for lust. Ask yourself what your fundamental values are. If there are any that an ideal partner would share – and especially if you would get upset if they don’t align later down the line – it’s something to keep in mind.
- What will and won’t I compromise on?
At some point in time, there are compromises to be made in all relationships. What’s non-negotiable to you? What do you, as an individual, need to be able to do to feel fulfilled in life? What are your needs in a relationship? What kind of treatment and behavior do you want to see in a partner? Thinking about this question can help you get in touch with what really matters in a partnership as well as what doesn’t matter quite as much as it might seem like it does on the surface. Both can be important.
Putting Yourself Out There Authentically
If you’re using dating apps or websites to put yourself out there, there might be options to fill in certain things about what you want in a relationship when you set up a profile. These may include but aren’t limited to:
● Whether you want a polyamorous or monogamous relationship
● Whether you want kids, don’t want kids, or aren’t sure
● If you smoke or drink
● If you want something serious, casual, or aren’t sure
● If you do or do not have pets
Consider filling the above out or adding any other relevant information pertaining to what you’re looking for, especially if it means a lot to you. Don’t be shy! Putting what you want out there will help you attract other people who want the same thing. If you’re meeting people offline, there are certain things that you may be inclined to bring up before things get too serious.
Find A Therapist
Whether you’re facing concerns related to dating and relationships or something else that’s on your mind, talking to a licensed therapist or counselor can help. To find a therapist, you can search the web, ask your doctor for a referral, see what your insurance company covers by calling or visiting their website, use an online directory, or sign up for an online therapy platform like BetterHelp. Online therapy is often more affordable than traditional in-person counseling or therapy is in the absence of insurance, and it allows you to see a provider from anywhere with a reliable internet connection. You deserve to get the support that you need, so if you believe that you may benefit from seeing a therapist, don’t hesitate to take the first step and reach out.
Marie Miguel -Author
Marie Miguel has been a writing and research expert for nearly a decade, covering a variety of health- related topics. Currently, she is contributing to the expansion and growth of a free online mental health resource with BetterHelp.com. With an interest and dedication to addressing stigmas associated with mental health, she continues to specifically target subjects related to anxiety and depression.